Her child is the light of her life and she waits from the starting of her pregnancy building her hopes every month to see the child she’s expecting. They say it’s the beginning of something new and this will strengthen their love, it was a long wait and finally this little soul will complete a family.
This is what we all wish but not all of us are lucky. A miscarriage is a very hard, depressing and tragic experience for both the parents especially the mother who with all the pain and anguish and medical measures, waits for nine months carrying life in her womb, suffers the loss of the new-born.
A miscarriage is also known as spontaneous or loss of pregnancy where the foetus dies naturally before it can survive on its own. Miscarriage can be the result if the mother is old, smoking tobacco, drugs and alcohol, diabetics are some of the cause that result in a miscarriage.
During the happening the mother might experience pain in the lower abdomen and in few cases there might be bleeding from the vagina leaving the mother completely clueless about it. These are signs of miscarriage and it happens mostly to women from 19- 40 years of age.
Being There with Her
Your role as a husband is very important when she is going through a miscarriage and after the event, the wife goes through depression and both mental and physical pain and she is helpless so it is necessary for you to be there for her and provide her with the best medical attention and emotional support.
You can help and be a good listener and talk to her about positive and optimistic things and keeping patience and also not rushing with new decisions in life and relationship. A husband can do a lot just by standing by his wife after the miscarriage.
If your wife is a working woman, give her time to settle in, give her space, so she could open up with her feelings and share about her emotional condition. You have to make sure she gets all the rest and you can take care of all the household work, cook for her some tasteful meals and taking good care of her.
A miscarriage can weaken a woman’s body and heart so it is very important for her to rest most of the time and avoid doing usual work whether at home or outside and the husband should understand all of it.
Talk to her
A husband should definitely not miss out on the understanding and provide her with the comfort of sharing whenever she feels like or wants to. Give her time to open up, let her be on her own if she wants to and listen more carefully if she wants to talk.
If she doesn’t feel like it hold her and hug her, let her know it was not her fault and you will always be there with her no matter what.
Say Good Things to Her
It’s not only hers but your loss too and you are equally depressed but be careful not the react but understand the level of sensitivity and give up on planning and decisions for a while and care for what she needs the most. Tell her that everything could begin again and it’s not the end of everything.
Do not argue with her and do not force an opinion because that can make her angry and anger and other negative emotions is what she needs to get rid of, you be by her side and make her realize you can start things over again
Be the Homemaker
She is in a condition which shows that she is weak both physically and mentally and with all that you don’t want her to pressurise herself with loads of work and mental weight.
Give her the time to think of things in a new and positive way, help her by talking to her, not by asking her to do things for you at home. You may call people from her family or from yours to come and stay and do few things at home, also assure her that you will do everything to run the house.
Meeting less People
Relatives and friends after learning about the miscarriage will try to call and visit you and your wife. You have to know how to handle these relatives and friends.
It’s better if you do not allow each and every person to communicate with her through phone, email or any sort of means.
Your wife might not be physically strong and she might just want to keep to herself because the loss that she has suffered is just too painful. The relatives will want to talk to her to sympathize her and give her moral support but she might not be ready mentally to talk to them about it and the husband should always be by her side because it is him that she needs and no one else.
There will come a time when she herself will want to share her feelings with her kith and kin but be patient and wait for that time to come.
Don’t haste her through any decisions that will affect her more physically and mentally. You have to make sure that only her close friends who can understand about her condition can visit and talk to her over the phone but it definitely depends on her.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
When one is in the middle of all this, everything else runs unscheduled, taking care of his wife all the time and keeping themselves strong but end of the day forgetting about himself.
A miscarriage is a loss for both the parents but the mother definitely needs more support.
Men usually do not express emotions as much as women but the man equally suffers the loss of a miscarriage so he also needs to do something about it.
The husband cannot even show that he is sad because he has to support his wife and he can’t fall weak. But, the husband should also share his emotions in any form be it talking to himself, watching light-hearted movies with his wife and going out somewhere for a short trip to keep the negatives out.
This keeps all the purified emotions in life which gradually helps the wife and the husband himself to come out of the feeling of loss and depression.
He can feel better during this time by giving up bad habits like alcohol and drugs and by sharing his state of mind with his close friends and family.
Keep all the planning for later
This is a very crucial time for both the husband and the wife, being the head of the family the man has a lot of responsibilities on his head but this is not the time to utter words about any sort of planning, especially planning pregnancies and family planning.
He has to know how to support his woman through all this time. Give your wife the space and time and let her come up with any sort of family planning, let her tell you when she wants to be pregnant again.
Don’t make her force to move on too soon or else the consequences can be grave. The loss of a mother is more painful because she has been nurturing a life in her own body.
She has been seeing a lot of dreams for the child and has been thinking how she would plan the child’s life. Let her fully cope up with the loss of her child only then will she be able to be normal again.
If the wife feels that her husband is not letting her to move out of the grief in her own way through a slow process she will become weaker mentally and will take decisions that will affect both of them and their relationship. She might even contemplate a suicide or she might just want to end the relationship. The husband should always be patient and positive.
Be more patient
Patience is the key during the time of miscarriage. Both of you have no other choice but let time take things with its flow. Keep supporting each other throughout this period. You both will come out of depression and sadness at one point for sure but on the other hand will also experience a stronger bonding.